I am only walking sporadically and sometimes I skip an entire week. I do however go on longer walks once in a while. On May 5th, 2016 I walked from 82nd Street and 153 Avenue in Lindenwood, all the way to Beach 85th Street in Rockaway. It was a nice day and I started out real early.
Of course I’d love to find out where the nude bathers are. Strangely enough there is very little information that I can find. On this particular day I decided to walk to 156th Avenue, down to 78th Street and as far as I could on that street. After that I would walk to 84th street where I would hang a right and go all the way to 165th Avenue. At that point I would walk to Crossbay Boulevard and them all the way home to 86th Street and Jamaica Avenue in Woodhaven. I was staying at my daughter’s place watching the kids, so I woke up at 7:30 to take them to school. I did not have time for my usual coffee, so I just drank a glass of juice. My wife drove so I got off by their school and started walking.
My usual routine is quite different. I wake up around 10, go to the john, take a shower and brew myself a strong cup of Turkish coffee. I then sit at my computer and write for another hour or so when I used the john again. On this day I did not have time to sit in the john as usual but since I didn’t have any coffee I thought it was not that important. My stomach disagreed. When I got to 78th Street and 161st Avenue, it started sending signals. Now, 78th Street ends at 161st Avenue so I had to take a left and walk that way. After 2-3 blocks the signals got stronger so I considered crossing to the other side of the street which was an overgrown kind of wilderness and dropping my pants. I couldn’t quite bring myself to do that. Perhaps I am too civilized, or alternately too stupid. I did think that I have been blessed with excellent bowel control and that I could make it to Crossbay Boulevard, where I will find a place with a toilet. The hour was a bit early, but I was sure that a lot of fast food places were open for breakfast. It was quite a walk, but I made it to the Boulevard. The first open place was just off the corner, so I walked in. It was a tiny convenience store and I was really feeling the urgency, so I vetoed it and walked out. Just a couple of doors further, there was a Burger King – I was saved! Not really, my bowels just couldn’t wait anymore and some measure of crap was released inside my brand new nylon boxers. Luckily, the boxers where tight enough on the leg, so nothing went any further. I rushed over to the Burger King establishment and again I was in luck – they did not lock their toilets. I walked into a very large toilet and locked the door behind me. I gave up on the boxers and threw them in the trash after which I cleaned myself thoroughly and sat down on the bowl to finish my labors. I felt somewhat ashamed and embarrassed, though nobody had noticed my problem. It has been almost sixty years since I had last crapped my pants and even then it was due to a major bout with diarrhea. I wanted to call my wife and ask her to pick me up and take home so that I can feel miserable in private.
I was going to buy a coffee or something, because I always think it is the polite thing to do when using the toilet in a food place. There was nobody behind the counter so I went out into the beautiful sunshine. I stood on the sidewalk pondering my plight for a few minutes, before deciding that wearing no underwear is not really any kind of excuse. I soldiered on, but instead of turning back I kept going forward. I crossed the Joseph Addabbo Bridge, walked on past the Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge Park, through Broad Channel, across the Crossbay Veterans Memorial Bridge and all the way to Rockaway Beach Boulevard and 83rd Street. That is where I finally found what I was looking for – some kind of cheapo store that might stock underwear. It was a Family Dollar. $7.99 for two cotton boxers was more than I had paid for the nylon ones online, but I bought them anyway. Walked over to a McDonalds and put on one pair. I rolled up the other one and stuffed into my back pocket. Feeling much better, I walked over to the Bungalow Bar and Restaurant and rewarded myself with a Courvoisier. Considering my relatively long walk I had a glass of seltzer as well. Much refreshed I started to make my way home. I made it without any further incidents and felt quite excited. At 16+ miles (26km) This was the longest walk I had tackled ever since the Jerusalem walk that I took part in about forty-eight years ago. I am writing this on June 10, 2016 and tomorrow I intend to break that record. I am going to walk to Jones Beach, according to Google maps, about 26 miles (42km.)